DISASTER*: something that has a very bad effect or result; a complete or terrible failure
Faithful readers may remember the Grocery Cart Disaster of 2012 in which I ignored the grocery cart warning pictures at Son’s peril. Fortunately, a bruised banana was the only real casualty.
The Grocery Cart Disaster of 2013 didn’t end so well.
Actually, I guess from the bananas’ perspective it ended better. But if you ask my body (or the eggs), the results were significantly less fortuitous.
A little background information:
- I live in Seattle. It rains here. You would think local residents would be highly adapted to liquid sunshine. But, we’re not. When it rains, people lose their minds, huddle indoors like they are scared of melting, start driving like morons, and make inane comments about rain…in Seattle.
- I hate grocery shopping on weekends. On Sundays in particular. I am known for going to great lengths to avoid weekend shopping trips. For years, I routinely shopped at 5:30 am every Monday morning. But, my new work schedule requires me to make Sunday grocery shopping trips.
On Sunday afternoons the grocery store parking lot looks like the mall parking lot on Christmas Eve. Today was no exception. I circled three times before I gave up and parked a block away.
My luck improved slightly when I scored the last grocery cart available. It was one of the small double-decker style carts favored by bachelors and two person households. I prefer the full size carts, but it was better than the two hand-carried baskets approach some of my fellow shoppers were forced to employ.
It was only sprinkling when I entered the grocery store; it was pouring by the time I exited.
I jogged the block to my car with my over-full double-decker bachelor grocery cart in an effort to end up only wet instead of soaked.
About 100 feet from my car, the cart hit a bump in the sidewalk and STOPPED. As you may or may not have learned in school: a body in motion tends to stay in motion.
I impersonated Wile E. Coyote while the grocery cart impersonated a rock wall. I had a moment to register the deep bruises forming to match the cart’s metal grid before I launched head first over the cart and onto the sidewalk, banging and scraping the parts that weren’t fortunate enough to land on the hot dog buns, eggs, or crusty baguette that were now displayed yard sale style over the wet sidewalk.
The last time I wiped out over a handlebar in such a spectacular manner I was in elementary school and the wipeout was preceded by a bicycle jump that would have impressed Evel Knievel.
I’m too old for such shenanigans. My body was not pleased.
I looked around – half hoping for a Good Samaritan to help me collect my groceries and half hoping nobody had witnessed the spectacle – before gathering my food from the sidewalk, shoving it unceremoniously into my cloth bags, and limping to the car.
I pride myself on being one of the people who always returns her grocery cart to the designated location regardless of personal inconvenience. But, today, I broke my perfect track record. It was everything I could do to keep my sobbing under enough control to see out the windshield on the drive home.
I have dulled the pain with drugs and a cupcake and am implementing a complicated rotation of ice packs to treat all the areas that hurt.
I’m also thinking that 2014 might be the year Husband does the grocery run.
* DISASTER: something (such as a flood, tornado, fire, plane crash, etc.) that happens suddenly and causes much suffering or loss to many people
Please don’t worry that I’ve lost perspective on real disasters near and far. I am thinking especially of friends in Colorado whose lives have been devastated by flood waters. I know they would gladly trade their upheaval for an afternoon of nursing a grid of grocery cart bruises.