If I ruled the world…

SCEPTER: a staff or baton borne by a sovereign as an emblem of authority

If I ruled the world…

Stores would open at 7am.

More than just pizza would be available for home-delivery.

All restaurants would offer healthy kids snacks and activities upon seating.

Bags under eyes would be considered sexy (a la Cindy Crawford’s mole).

Sweatshirts and jeans would be the pinnacle of fashion.

Changing stations would be mandatory in men’s restrooms.

Burp cloths would actually be absorbent.

Mani/pedi services would be offered at children’s sporting events and lessons.

Hairstylists and massage therapists would make house calls during nap time.

Toy manufacturers would be prohibited from designing toys that require batteries.

Harmful chemicals would be banned from food containers and all baby products (why is this a dream?).

The ice cream truck would never drive by before dinner.

Public parks would have clean, convenient family bathrooms and espresso carts.

Healthy cereals would have cartoon characters on the box and sugar cereals would have images of scary old men with no teeth.

What would you change?

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23 thoughts on “If I ruled the world…

    1. At our local coffee shop, there is a sign that says “Unattended children will be given a double espresso and a puppy.” Perhaps you could post the teacher-equivalent in your classroom.

  1. Taking walks with my kids would be worthwhile if there was a Starbucks within distance. I vote for that! All stay-at-home mothers would have a good coffee shop within walking distance.

    1. We live in Seattle, so every stay-at-home mom has at least a dozen coffee shops within walking distance. Go west! I think most Seattle preschoolers have a favorite drink. For our kids it’s a hot chocolate with “poodle tail” (whipped cream on the tip of the straw). I know plenty of three year olds who can confidently order a “vanilla steamer” from their local barista.

  2. Massages would be in some sort of tesseract in which they last for hours for me, but only a few minutes for everyone waiting for me.

    Also, when I worked at home on Fridays, I would drop Baguette off at day care at her usual time. But instead of commuting, I would go to the nearest Whole Foods, which opened at 7. Then, one morning, I got there and found that they had changed the opening time to 8. Which didn’t help me, because 8 was when I started work, even at home. Later they moved it back to 7, but that didn’t help me, either, because my organization decided to stop letting people work at home.

    If I ruled the world, people would get to work at home at least one day a week, and anyone who gave them crap about it would be demoted.

  3. I love this post!!! I certainly support the chemical-free baby products and battery-free toys. Just like you said, it’s ridiculous that the former is even a dream at all; there should be no other way. As for home delivery, just imagine getting fresh bread and seasonal fruit deliveries to your front door… add in that espresso cart at the park and life would be perfect.

    1. I think half the joy of baking bread is the smell that fills our home during the process. Perhaps a “fresh bread” scented candle could come with the delivery? Candles seem to come in just about every other scent.

  4. Huh – nobody ever asks me that! Children would be nicer to the kids that don’t fit in, motorcycles would be quiet, the vegetarian menu would be at least as big as the normal menu, and beer would be a superfood. And what you said.

  5. Out if the womb children would LOVE veggies and hence possess a veggie-tooth instead of a sweet-tooth.

    And ditto to all your ideas benevolent momma leader!

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