Victoria’s Secret vs. Costco

PRACTICAL: capable of being put to use or account; useful

I need to buy new underwear.  That on its own isn’t necessarily noteworthy.  Nor is it an obvious starting point for a post on a motherhood blog.  However, my need for underwear fell squarely into the “things that are different now that I’m a mom” category when I noted my need on my shopping list.  My Costco shopping list.     

Gretchen Wilson sings:

Victoria’s Secret, well their stuff’s real nice
But I can buy the same damn thing on a Wal-Mart shelf half price
And still look sexy, just as sexy as those models on TV
I don’t need no designer tag to make my man want me

I’m not a redneck woman. 

But, I am a mother. 

And as a mother I find it incredibly convenient that I can buy a giant bag of coffee beans, a box of pull-ups, grab-and-go snacks, toilet paper, underwear and enough paprika to pass on to my grandchildren all in one place. 

Once upon a time Victoria and I shared a few secrets.  But, these days I usually have two children in tow.  There is no part of lingerie shopping that qualifies as child-friendly.   

Going shopping without children sounds good in theory…until I review my list of things I want to do next time I have an hour to myself.  Sorting through a rainbow of lace while surrounded by posters of women who make Barbie look flat-chested and Suzanne Somers’ thighs look flabby isn’t even on that list.  

So, I will buy my underwear in a large warehouse while my children consume nibbles of random foods around each bend.  When my task is complete, I will give my children a $1.50 bribe hotdog for their trouble.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.


23 thoughts on “Victoria’s Secret vs. Costco

      1. Very depressing indeed. Coincidentally, I happen to be working on a piece/post entitled, “Just Lower Your Expectations.” So much material, so small a word limit…

  1. I am right at the big box store with you! I can completely relate to this part: “Once upon a time Victoria and I shared a few secrets.” So true! With kids, it is so much easier to grab undies and other stuff at the easiest place.

  2. I have to admit…when I first read the title of this post, Victoria’s Secret vs. Costco, you had me stumped. So funny!! I really enjoy your sense of humor! Especially liked, “…women who make Barbie look flat-chested and Suzanne Somers’ thighs look flabby isn’t even on that list.”. Thanks for the posts. Nothing like a good laugh to start the day! 🙂

  3. I am always trying to decide whether to have my ashes sprinkled at Target or Costco. This week it is Costco.

  4. Quite funny! I enjoyed this post a lot.
    I take the opposite tactic, however. Wearing sexy underwear is pretty much the only way I can feel like a normal adult while raising two kids 🙂 So, even if I’ve got sweatpants and an old t-shirt on, there’s usually a cute thong somewhere underneath that acts a quick reminder every time I go to the bathroom!

  5. After I had my son, and lost a lot of weight, is when I first started my relationship with Victoria and I can share secrets with her from the comfort of my computer. I love online shopping and my husband does love the private viewing party once I get the presents in the mail. 😉

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