Defining Motherhood

One Mom's Attempt to Find Meaning in the Madness

Uno, dos, tres, quatro, cinquain

CINQUAIN: a five line stanza

It’s still poetry month. Cinquain is a fun form to play with. A cinquain poem has five lines with two syllables on the first line, four on the second, six on the third, eight on the fourth and two on the fifth.

I’ve posted a combination of old and new cinquain poems below:

Sharp toys

In the kids’ room

Lying in the darkness

Patiently waiting for a foot

Ouch! $h^t!

###

Stop it

Stop the beeping

Who bought my kids this toy?

What did I ever do to him?

Revenge

###

Mommy

Needs a sick day

But that is not allowed

So I will rise and pack your lunch

With germs

###

Transformed

With one last push

Or a sterile scalpel

Regardless, you end up with a

Mother

###

I said

That two was hard

That was only because

I hadn’t yet met three or four

Oh, my!

###

You work

Inside the home

I work outside the home

The location doesn’t matter

It’s work

###

Who said

Mother knows best?

This mother sure doesn’t

Sometimes I don’t even know good

enough

Where I’m From – Imitation as Flattery

IMITATION: a literary work designed to reproduce the style of another author

Inspired by Galit Breen, I wanted to try my hand at imitating George Ella Lyon’s poem “Where I’m From.”  Here it goes:

I am from homemade Halloween costumes, hair scrunchies, Tang, Tab, and blue milk slightly past its expiration date.

I am from a suburban split level with the owner’s longing for country living evident in the barn inspired color scheme.  Mind the front steps, they wiggle from one too many stomps as The Cowboy left in anger.

I am from dandelions and forget-me-nots lovingly harvested and displayed in mason jar vases with the same fanfare as the neighbor’s roses and dahlias.

I am from Thanksgiving confessions, and alcohol confrontations.

From Carney, Montague and Montgomery; from first names used for baptisms then stored away until the next legal form.

I am from lies told to make a better story and truths withheld to keep the peace.  From “Do what I say, not what I do” and “Hate the sin but love the sinner.”

I lived through the pendulum of religious fervor swinging from kneeling benches and Latin homilies to raised hands, foreign tongues and the casting out of demons.  I passed through all the pews in between until I landed in a still meadow with a songbird choir.

I’m the combustible combination of Ireland and Scotland; fueled by potato starch and heavy pours.

I’m from brothers who staged my kidnapping when I was young and walked me down the aisle when I was grown.  I’m from a father haunted by the ghosts of war. Prone to strike upon waking, he is best brought out of slumber by a shoe thrown from a distance.

I am from a family that chooses moments not mementos to pass on as a legacy to future generations.

I move nimbly through this earth with little to pack but much to carry.

 —

If you want to try this (and I hope you do), here is the TEMPLATE.

I Need Faster Shoes

PF Flyers

RACE: a contest of speed

It wasn’t that long ago I had to let Son win races. Now, “let” is not part of the equation.  It must be my shoes.  Please check out my latest essay on Brain, Child Magazine’s Blog about when our kids leave us behind.

While you do that, I’m going to go shopping for a pair of P.F. Flyers.

Red is the Color of a Midlife Crisis

picture from Fine Art America (Bill Gallagher)

picture from Fine Art America (Bill Gallagher)

MIDLIFE CRISIS: a period of emotional turmoil in middle age caused by the realization that one is no longer young and characterized especially by a strong desire for change

My friend Noelle is a talented poet and all around delightful creature. She wrote THIS poem recently (the link takes you to an audio version where you can hear her read the piece) and it made me want to play with color. So, I did:

 

Red was the color of the Corvette

That never met

His need to reclaim his youth

Red was the color of the heels and skirt

She wore to work

The day she caught – and held – his eye

Red was the color of the fingernail

That left a trail

Down his arm after a hallway passing

Red was the color of the heavy pour

That opened the door

To what if

Red was the color of the message lights

On the nights

He worked late

Red was the color of the therapist’s card

As she worked hard

To save this thing he claimed to want

Red was the color of the roses he bought

When she sought

Evidence of his remorse

Red was the color of the clock digits

That timed her fidgets

On the night he didn’t return

Red was the color of lace worn by the other

And the puffy eyes of the mother

Of his children

Red was the color of the blush

Their natural flush

One from passion, one from shame

Red was the color of the intersection signs

That in her mind

Became a message from the universe

Red was the color of the Corvette’s tail lights

On the night

He was dismissed

An April Acrostic

raindrops

PLUVIOPHILE: a lover of rain

April showers bring…National Poetry Month! To honor the first day of April and the coming season of showers in Seattle, I offer this acrostic poem:

Procrastination suits a day filled with puddles

Letting things soak just a wee bit longer and

Uttering internal promises to get to it all right after I declare

Victory over the final chapter in this book that has

Inspired me to remain pajama clad well past what polite society deems

Ordinary

Pitters and patters are the melody for this

Happy afternoon filled with games and the harmony of laughter

I watch water absorb in the soil

Like relaxation absorbs into me until I am saturated and ready to

Embrace the sun again

March Reads

READ: to look at and understand the meaning of letters, words, symbols, etc.

levels of life

Levels of Life by Julian Barnes

This is a short book in three sections: exploring ballooning in the first section, photography in the second, and then giving the reader an intimate view of personal grief in the third.  Barnes’ style appeals to me more than his content, but his style is enough to make me enjoy reading about things (e.g. the history of ballooning) I wouldn’t otherwise.  The rawness of the grief expressed in the third section of this book was so ugly and unguarded that I felt uncomfortable – like I had seen the author naked without his knowledge.  Words and truth are powerful tools.  To be able to reveal painful truths with beautiful words is an incredible gift…and Barnes has it.

silent wife

The Silent Wife by A.S.A. Harrison

The book opens with a revelation that the wife will murder the husband in just a few short months, then backtracks to tell the reader about those months.  With a big reveal at the beginning, I expected more nail-biting suspense along the way.  There wasn’t.  Harrison tells a sordid tale with clinical coldness.  It didn’t work for me.

attachments

Attachments by Rainbow Rowell

The book equivalent of a chick flick – light, frilly, and immensely enjoyable.  I devoured this delightful story in a day – rooting for each and every one of the likeable characters.  You aren’t going to spend hours discussing the nuances of this book, but you will smile while you read it.

womens work

Women’s Work by Kari Aguila

A dystopian novel by a Seattle author that pictures a world in which women have taken over and banished all men except spouses and sons.  This was our March book club selection.  I liked the characters and wanted to like the book…but I couldn’t buy into the idea that if women took over to right the historic wrongs of violence and gender inequality that they would create a society in which known men were treated like 1950’s housewives and strange men were treated like dangerous beasts.  The premise was simply too much of a stretch for me.

tell the wolves

Tell the Wolves I’m Home by Carol Rifka

Easily my favorite read this month, this book was recommended by a dear friend.  This novel was deeply moving.  I had to re-apply my mascara when I was done reading.  I imagine this will be assigned reading for future generations.

alaska

Looking for Alaska by John Green

While I didn’t like this book as much as The Fault in Our Stars, I still loved Green’s writing, characters and plot. The book tackled lots of big topics with fresh insights and tender dialogue.

bird by bird

Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life by Anne Lamott

I felt like the only writer who hadn’t read this book. I’m glad to have finally joined the club and look forward to putting on airs and saying “You haven’t read Bird by Bird?!” in an overly shocked tone next time I find a writer who hasn’t yet thumbed through the pages of this fabulous book. Anne Lamott alternates between patting you on the shoulder and punching you in the gut throughout this book filled with wisdom, encouragement, and a solid dose of realistic expectations.

speak

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

I picked this book up from the National Book Award Finalist display at Powell’s on a recent trip to Portland. I appreciated the author’s willingness to tackle a tough subject and enjoyed the snarky but accurate insights about highschool from the narrator, a victim of sexual assault. However, because the narrator is so emotionally shut down, it was difficult for me to connect with her or invest in the outcome of her story.

My Inner Erma

HONORABLE MENTION: an award or special praise given to someone who has done something extremely well but who has not won any of the official prizes

I am excited to announce that my essay received Honorable Mention in the 2014 Erma Bombeck Writers Competition.  I admit, I really wanted the monetary compensation and entry to the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop that went to first place…but the pat on the back still feels good.

The “S” Word

In a combination that defies medical explanation, I am both hard of hearing and excellent at eavesdropping.  Motherhood requires both traits.  The former is most helpful during night time hours; the latter is handy during playdates….[Read More]

 

Six Essential Parenting Vocabulary Lessons

VOCABULARY: a sum or stock of words employed by a language, group, individual, or work or in a field of knowledge

I have an essay on Brain, Child today that will teach you the difference between words you may have mistaken for synonyms before children. Check it out.

February Reads

READ: to look at and understand the meaning of letters, words, symbols, etc.

Glass Castle

The Glass Castle: A Memoir by Jeannette Walls

I’ve been meaning to read this book for quite some time but kept putting it off because I thought it would be too dark and depressing.  There were plenty of times I wanted to reach into the pages of the book and shake the parents.  But there were also times where I could forget the neglect and be awed by the meaningful lessons and inspired insights the parents gave their children.  As the reader, I was compelled to ride the roller coaster of emotions so common in dysfunctional families.  High highs.  Low lows.  Walls captured the beauty and zest that so often accompany dysfunction in a vivid and authentic way.  This book is a thing of beauty.  Flawed, painful, messy beauty.

OutoftheEasy_BOM.indd

Out of the Easy by Ruta Sepetys

Brothels and bookstores and bad boys, oh my!  I picked this book after enjoying Sepetys’ debut novel Between Shades of Grey.  Another work of historical fiction – this one set in 1950s New Orleans – but with a very different feel.  I liked this book even better than her debut both because of the character development and the pacing.  The plot and setting grabbed me and kept me turning the pages.

Diabetes

Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris

As you would expect from Sedaris, this book is filled with essays about small moments that the author’s voice makes funny.  The compilation also contains some great pieces of fictional satire.  While this wasn’t my favorite collection from Sedaris, it’s was still a fun read.  Good, just not great.

Perks

The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

I have wanted to read this book since I saw Stephen Chbosky speak at last year’s Santa Barbara Writer’s Conference.  I finally got around to it and was glad I did.  The main character is incredibly likeable and sweet without being saccharine and Chbosky was able to channel the teenage voice of his main character with all the charm, nostalgia, and innocence I want in a coming of age novel without the angst for angst sake present in so many other books in this genre.

Messenger

Messenger by Lois Lowry

I liked this book better than Gathering Blue, though not as well as the Giver.  It did help to have read the other two books, though I’m not sure it’s essential.  This was a super fast read and had the trademarks of a Lowry book – a well paced plot with not so subtle commentary on deeper issues (e.g. greed, desire, contentment, purpose, sacrifice).

Motherhood

Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession by Erma Bombeck

Written in the 80’s this book is remarkably undated.  Sure, there are a few references to relics of the past (e.g. the freedom of a ten foot phone cord) but for the most part this book serves as a reminder that the challenges of motherhood are relatively timeless.  Bombeck would have been the queen of all mommy bloggers if she was still with us.  Her satire is witty, honest and fun.

Life Lessons from That Place on Earth

disneyland

AMUSEMENT PARK: a commercially operated park having various devices for entertainment (e.g. merry-go-round, roller coaster) and usually booths for the sale of food and drink

We took the kids to Disneyland for winter break and, despite my expectations, actually had a great time.  In addition to plenty of amusement, the trip also taught our kids some important life lessons.

1.       You can have too much of a good thing.

Pancakes with extra syrup at the restaurant next to the hotel for breakfast?  Delicious!  Cheesy macaroni and a juice box for the price of a small car at the in-park buffet for lunch?  Delicious!  Deep fried corn dog after a 30-minute wait at the red wagon for dinner?  Delicious…oh, wait.  Not delicious.  Disastrous.  There is a reason there are multiple colors on the food pyramid.  If you spend too long in the white/beige category, your body turns the color of the vegetables it craves.

2.       Sometimes only inches separate the lucky seat from the unlucky seat.

You select the dry seat as you board and hope you will be as lucky as your predecessor, but the universe requires balance and balance requires your seat to get soaked even though the person sitting next to you stays dry.  The next time, you choose the wet seat…and get soaked.   That time, the universe needed a laugh more than it needed balance.

3.       Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

You must be 42-inches tall to ride this ride.  You use your best posture and the gatekeeper gives you the pass.  You have met the requirements.  This, of course, means absolutely nothing except that a risk management attorney thinks you are unlikely to get decapitated or launched to the pavement below.  42-inches is a legal defensibility threshold.  Your height has absolutely nothing to do with your readiness for witches, snakes, ghosts, pirates, or 3-D bugs.

4.       Mother doesn’t know best.

C’mon Daughter…Space Mountain is my favorite ride and I think you’ll love it despite your age and well-known fear of the dark.  C’mon Son…Dad won’t go with me on the high-speed roller coaster that loops upside down and you’ll make the perfect companion for me despite your anxiety about new experiences and dislike of adrenaline rushes.  You can lecture me on how wrong I was between sobs as I do the parenting walk of shame past the queue upon exiting.

5.       Thrills are typically preceded (and followed) by the unremarkable.  

That roller coaster was fun.  Precisely three minute’s worth of fun.  Three minutes of fun at the end of ninety minutes of standing in line.  Let’s calculate the fun to waiting ratio while we stand in line for the next ride.  That’s right…1 to 30.

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